ASU to join SEC in 2014

by Dallas J. Delta

JONESBORO-Beginning with the 2014 football season, Arkansas State University will compete in the Southeastern Conference in all sports.  In a move approved yesterday by the NCAA, the University of Mississippi is trading their position in the conference to ASU in a deal that involves the re-branding of both schools.

                ASU Athletic Director Terry Mohajir announced the move this morning.  “We worked out a trade where we get into the SEC, we get the Rebel mascot, ‘Dixie’, some scholarships, and a bunch of other considerations,” he said.

                According to sources in the University of Mississippi administration, recent bad publicity led the Board of Regents to put the move on the table.  Fraternity members vandalized a statue of James Meredith, the first black student at the university, bringing condemnation from national civil rights figures and renewed focus on the university’s troubled history of race relations. 

                Mohajir indicated that ASU was contacted shortly after the incident on the Oxford campus took place, and that the deal was put together quickly.

                He said, “The Mississippi people had already been thinking about this option before the incident, so everything was drawn up and ready for us to sign.  I think it came down to a quick conference call between Governors Mike Beebe and Phil Bryant, and Chancellors Jones and Hudson.”

                Mississippi officials said that they felt the only way to escape the stigma of their racist past was to sell it to another school.

                “We get a huge upgrade to the top athletic conference in the country,” said Mohajir, “as well as a proven brand, even if it is a little tarnished.  I encourage ASU alumni to start referring to themselves as graduates of “Ole ‘Saw” and acting all snooty.”

                UM will receive the rights to the Red Wolf mascot, but indications are that the school is going to label their athletic teams the Landsharks, a popular unofficial name for the teams among the student body.

                “We might use the Red Wolf as a sideline mascot, to replace the Black Bear, which was a replacement for Colonel Rebel,” said a UM official, speaking on the condition of anonymity.  “Nobody liked the bear.  Y’all can have Colonel Reb, too, if you want him.”

The move is not being received well in Oxford, and a petition to recall Governor Bryant was started online this morning.  UM will take ASU’s place in the Sun Belt Conference, and will receive 50% of the revenue from newly branded ASU merchandise for a period of three years, and then decreasing percentages over the remaining ten.

Mohajir said, “This should be a huge shot in the arm for recruiting, and we expect to be competing for a national championship in football right away.  Just being in the SEC puts us in the conversation, doesn't it?  I can't wait to meet Kirk Herbstreit.”